You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Every concussion has its silver lining
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
