At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Randomize
