I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Best friends brother. Beat that.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
