Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
