We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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