i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
