Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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