I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
