Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
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