TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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