shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
