She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Randomize
