Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
