i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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