Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
