He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
