Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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