I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
