He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
