So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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