This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
