He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
