one word: firstdatebathroomanal
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
17 year olds will be the death of me.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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