I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
