who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
