I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
