I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
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