A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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