Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
