New invention idea: vibrating tampons
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
