Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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