not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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