And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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