Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
