My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
