I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
