The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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