Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
