We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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