That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
