I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
