Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
