Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
