i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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