Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
