Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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