I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
