Betty ford says i'm here all night
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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