can we get nightvision for the apartment?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
