YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
